etherealgoddess

Been twittering too much. Time to blog instead.

Let's see. I've gone swimming, clubbed at Cherry and as of late Tuesday...registered for Fall. Signed up for Math 124 (algebra) and Art 260 (art history). I got my Millenium Scholarship back, so now half of my tuition will be paid for by the state. Looked into the cost of textbooks and I'm gonna have to hand it over for Art History cause used textbooks go around the neighborhood of $80 and higher compared to my Math book (which goes for about $24 used).

Should look for another job, but its not easy when you don't get calls despite your best efforts. College only drives people to debt no matter what your means are for paying your tuition. Student loans, scholarships, work study- the costs will catch up to you no matter how hard you try to avoid it. Its equivalent to the feeling of your ex stalking you except there's interest involved.

Sigh, I just need to stay positive. Perhaps I should consider trying to write a novel, hope a publisher will pick it up, and use the money to pay off my debt. But don't pity me though, for I have perspective on life and have much to be grateful about. Its gonna take a lot of hard work to get what I want out of life and I'm gonna do whatever it takes to be self-sufficient.

Although I have 3 pillows, I can't seem to sleep comfortably with any of them. I wouldn't mind buying a new one, but it would be nice to recycle pillows or find some use for them if I gut them out and shred it into pieces.

I wonder why anyone bother washing them out if we have pillowcases to keep them from garnering too much bacteria? Its a waste of water, heat, and energy in my opinion. How far can the bacteria possibly go so long as the pillowcase doesn't cinch or move while you're sleeping?

Anywho, that was just a wandering thought in my head aside from population control- which too is a burgeoning concept floating through my brain that I can't quite compute my thoughts to via exemplary prose. Some talking points that I DO want to get across regarding population control:

- Quality of life would be easier to achieve and sustain if we have less people. Resources won't be comprimised or unequal. In essence, less people would equate less demand.

- Slowing the birthrate is important because children use a vast number of goods from diapers to baby bottles to wipes in as little as 2 years. Children need constant stimulation and attention, which is why they easily garner hundreds of toys and other meaningless crap. While I do believe its possible to be frugal and careful with children when it comes to spending, the fact of the matter is that another human being on Earth will only further advance the problem and not the solution. Unfortunately, no wants to be told what to do with their own bodies.

- Another part of the problem is of course birth control, access to it (specifically in undeveloped, 3rd world nations), and sexual education. Sexual education, I think, should take the forefront in the the advacement for population control because if Sex Ed. classes in high schools across the nation showed what STD's look liked and talked more openly about the symptoms and the ramifications sex and disease has on one's life- people will surely at the very least, become more conscientous and picky about how many times they have sex (and with who). The point is that there is no dialogue going on between the students and the intructors. Teachers and adults are preaching instead of teaching and clearly we are getting nowhere. Abstinence-only education IS NOT enough. Perhaps if doctors and therapists taught the subject matter instead of health teachers, students will be better informed. Because lets face it, humans are inherently curious. The majority will have a desire to test their limits and sex is fair game. 

So I logged onto my Web Registration account for CSN and I found out I got straight A's!!!

I still can't believe I got an A- for Political Science. I've done the math and I knew I was getting a C, but out of nowhere a different grade shows up.

I'm grateful. More than words can say. But this literally defies logic and I think either the wrong grade got entered into the system or my professor fixed the grades by not counting certain assignments. Because I didn't expect it, I'm hesistant to tell everyone I know the good news just in case something happens and the rug gets pulled underneath my feet.

I know the class average was around 60-70% the last time I checked. Even in the last week around the time we were in finals, the average didn't change at all. Maybe he just decided to raise everyone's grades so that he looks good and can keep his job? For all I know, maybe students were giving him bad evaluations to the college?

However this miracle came about, I'm profusely humbled :) 

I'm incredibly ecstatic that school is over... for now

I know that I want to write. I know that I want to follow my bliss and just ease my mind from the hectic rush of homework and just the overall drama of life.

Everyone is always in a hurry; the economy keeps getting battered each and every day. People are losing their jobs. Its time to take a step back and find perspective. At least I have my health. Family, friends, coworkers, a part-time gig.

I'm thinking about getting into poetry. Poetry as a means of expressing myself and perhaps getting one step closer to writing a novel (or a novella of sorts). I'm not on any timetable, so I don't expect myself to hurry through the process whatsoever. There's just so much on my mind, so much I have to say. Maybe thats why everyone around me keeps asking me if I'm ok or what I'm thinking about? 

A few days ago I accidently joked to my friend we should go to San Fran. When she replied to my comment and gave me the impression that she thought we really were going to San Fran, I actually started thinking maybe its not such a bad idea after all. I've been saving recently (which is something I hope to keep pushing through) and maybe if everything falls into place- I can go to San Fran! Or any part of California for that matter.

I've never traveled without my parents, so that should be an interesting experience. Of course its just a matter of money and logistics now. Even if I manage to cover airfare and hotel, I probably won't have money for much else. Which is fine with me. I could careless about eating out every night or paying $75 to get into every exhibit I can. Then there's the car. But maybe if I stayed near the city and use public transportation, I should be ok.

Regardless of what I do, life can be an adventure. All I have to do is just make the magic happen.

Taking the time to blog once more.

Now that I'm using Internet Explorer more (version 8 with the inprivate window), I should be blogging, er voxing more.

More and more as life goes by, I can't help but become more apathetic and cynical at life. Honestly, its really hard for me NOT to feel bitter. Its not necessarily because circumstance has made life shitty. Rather, its knowing the universal and inevitable truths about life that has caused me to feel hopeless.

But now that I know that I am not immortal, I guess that means I have everything to live for. Or I can just commit suicide and take with me what absolution of power I have left in this existence. Which doesn't even have any rules or expectations to begin with.

I've always contended that people needed structure and organization to make sense of this life, this existence. But the sad fact is is that we will never find all the answers to our questions. We won't be able to cure each and every disease that comes our way. And regardless of how well we take care of ourselves, we still won't avoid the fate that becomes us all.

Religion is a key part of that structure we so desparately seek to find. A model that we take too seriously to control rather than guide our lives. And when people let the powers that be down, followers are quick to acknowledge they're wrong and thus grovel down either before an inanimate object or a priest. Sure there's nothing wrong in believing, but is there anything wrong in not believing?

I guess I'm willing to take my chances.

reFresh: Contemporary Vegan Recipes From the Award Winning Fresh Restaurants

Ruth Tal

I bought this book (points to the right) a couple of hours ago. Its a book that has given my mind a visual orgasm just looking at all the perfectly photoshopped delectable vegan foods. Thats right, I said vegan.

Thus, there are no recipes including pork, chicken, fish or any kind of meat for that matter. There are a number of burger recipes which I assume use tofu. I've casually contemplated the idea of converting to veganism for quite some time now and hopefully I can learn to incorporate at least one vegan item to my daily lunch/dinner meal plan. Its either baby steps or give up on something just because I'm too overwhelmed with adaptation. Looking at all the pictures of juices simply gives me a spastic joygasm that gets me giddy faster than a school girl who finds out the cutest boy in school has a crush on her.

Perhaps this book will change my life much like the book Skinny Bitch has when I first read it early last year. Reading that book enlightened my mind and got me to give up simple carbs (such as white rice, white bread, white pasta, etc.) in addition to aspartame, milk, and food that has a long list of questionable (and inexplicably hard to pronounce) ingredients. I owe the authors a debt of gratitude for my renewed sense of spirit and respect towards my body. Although I don't exercise and I still have a gut (groan), I rather be healthy than eat a bunch of a junk food only to exercise it off and gain it all back again.

I swear whenever I give into my junk food urges at the mall or at the drive thru, I feel like I just literally tortured my body. Punishing it for what it isn't and testing its limits along the way. Sometimes this mission seems senseless considering that we all die in the end, but there's a part of me that still thinks of karmic retribution when it comes to food. A desire to eat well is no more vein than a desire to look well. Now if only Kanye West and Miley Cyrus would just shut the fuck up and bow their heads down to the greatness that's Radiohead! For shame that they try to trash Radiohead in the press like the fucking pussies they are! Radiohead doesn't owe you shit. If only someone could deflate that hot-air baloon inside their heads...

Skinny Bitch: A No-nonsense, Tough-love Guide for Savvy Girls Who Want to Stop Eating Crap and Start

Rory Freedman

The problem that has no name...

Finding the right bra. Although I wear the correct size, I think its strange that not all bras fit equally. The demi (or half cup) bra is perhaps the worst bra for me. Not only does it look ridiculous for my cup size (D), but it looks like I'm wearing a bra two sizes two small. But alas, they're important in the event that you are wearing a low cut top =/

The same thing goes for balconet type bras too. Or maybe its just the brand? I got my monthly Victoria's Secret coupon in the mail and the pictures of Heidi Klum in the "perfect" bra are almost convincing me to head to my nearest Victoria's Secret- pronto. If the average price of a bra was $25, I wouldn't be so weary to hand over my debit card. But since their bras are around $45 each, I can't help but have my reservations. $10 off is not nearly enough to ease my mind. But the more I carelessly spend my money on things I don't need or things I buy just because, the more I want to consciously shift my consumerism towards items and products that will be of real value to me in the long run.

I like the designs and the price of H&M's bras (which average about $15 each), but unfortunately they don't make bras for the big girls. The few bras they do offer in a D cup are pathetic, but oh well. C'est la vie. In reality, women don't need bras. But it would sure suck to jog around with your boobs jumping up and down with you defying gravity.

For a girl that doesn't spend a lot of her time naked, I sure am conscious of my own body just as any other woman is. While a man's approval is the least of my concern, my own stamp of approval for my body's characteristics, like stretch marks for instance, still lies. But as I've gotten older, I've learned to appreciate and embrace my curves. Now I know why a woman's body can drive a man wild.  Its an insatiable object of desire toxic enough to weaken sensibilities. It doesn't help that society emphasizes its perfection and tries to defy what our bodies are inevitably going to look like. But alas, I'm proud to be in this skin for it has kept me going for the past 20 years of life. And maybe for the next 20 years or more that lie ahead.

I think I've found my calling with art!

Not only am I progressing well in my drawing class, but the more time I spend drawing and perfecting my craft- the more I confident I feel about going into Graphic Design as a major! Since I haven't declared a major and I'm just choosing one simply based on information I've found out about my choice occupations (such as job outlook, salary info, etc.), the nerves in my brain couldn't help but feel racked as I'm simply choosing from a long list of occupations to form my life around.

Matthew Fox once said that work has to involve "our deepest values". Otherwise, its just a job. And he is certainly right considering how many of us put up with jobs we don't like simply because we cannot walk away from our responsibilities- albeit financial, family-related, or expenses-related. The turmoil of the economy is beyond depressing and it saddens me to think that there's no quick solution that will break through into the light and ressurect the damage that has been done.

That word, recession, is like a scarlet letter (or word) that bears a burden on everyone.

*I should note that most of my post titles don't make sense to its content. I usually just choose a song that I think fits or rather, what I happen to be listening to as I compose this.

So I guess this is my first official post for 2009! A late one at that, but better late than never I'd say.

I just started school again. This semester I'm taking a Poly Sci 101 class and an Art 101 class. So far, I'm not too scared about either- although Poly Sci does worry me a bit.

What I'm mostly worried about really are the papers and the midterms. I'm not sure what I'm in for, but I remember the ratings on my professor on ratemyprofessor.com said that Professor Jones isn't all that bad. I forgot what the reviews said, but if they were bad- I surely wouldn't be taking his class!

On the other hand my instructor for Art 101, Jack Hallberg, seems like a REALLY mellow dude! He gives off that Matthew McConaughey "surfer, dude" vibe. Someone who doesn't have a problem giving A's should be the least of my worries.

I wish I can regale my audience with exciting tales of my life, but there really isn't anything interesting to share. I don't have a man. I don't get out much. I live a relatively simple existence going to school and work part-time as I live at home with my family living and learning from life.

Its tax time, so that means I gotta file that W2. I can't believe Valentine's Day is also coming up too. Its on Saturday I believe, like 2 or 3 weeks from now. Not that it matters, but I secretly like to hold out hope that I'll meet that perfect stranger sometime before that fateful day.

A girl can only dream right?

So yesterday it snowed in Las Vegas.

Obviously, everyone couldn't stop talking about it. On the news, on Myspace, and of course on the home front. Of course its a big fucking deal considering we live in the desert and it rarely snows in Las Vegas. The last time that it did, it was I think back in the late '70s. Around 1978, I think.

But enough about the snow day. Yesterday went completely over my head considering all the shit thats going on in my life. My brother and I keep having issues. Not thats it new, its just that it gets old- REALLY FAST. I wish he would just man the fuck up and stop bullying me. I just can't believe he thinks its completely tolerable to say nasty things to me. Like when I come home, he touches my hands to see if I have "sticky" fingers. What disgusts me is that he automatically assumes the worst in me. He has the audacity to assume that I'm some kind of whore and that I'm up to no good just because I'm not safe and sound at home in this bubble. And as far as the sticky fingers are concerned, this is in regards to stealing when I'm not even a cashier anymore and have no access to company money whatsoever.

And he wonders why I won't befriend him on Myspace and Facebook? Unfortunately for him, I ACTUALLY value my privacy. He's not entitled to know everything just because he's my brother- and of my flesh and blood. If I trust him, I will talk to him. Why can't he understand that and just let me breathe? I wish I could love him, but its so damn hard to give my love to someone who puts me down and doesn't think of me as his equal. The sad thing is that a stranger is more likely to treat me with respect than my creep of a brother.

Aside from my grandmother's passing, I just found out my cousin is in stage four of Ovarian Cancer. The silent killer as they call it. While I don't exactly get jazzed up about Christmas anymore (in fact, I find it more or less a chore), it sucks that all these bad things keep happening. I know that no one is exempt from the bad tragedies in this world, but the torture the anchor carries still brings you down. It doesn't even matter whether or not you wanna go down- because you'll be sinking right along with the ship.